Friday, June 16, 2017

Why can't we just shut the door and only allow our dearest ones to enter?

The funeral did not really allow me enough room to mourn and grieve for my Pa.  There were so many people around; most of them someone I knew from childhood, but not all of them were offering a word of comfort. Some were there only to measure you and be critical of who you are. Some were really so tactless and mean that instead of consoling us in  times of grief, they only succeeded in upsetting me, and taking me away from thoughts of my Pa. For instance, there was this guy, who was so rude, he said I must have been so old by now because I was already far ahead in school when he and Eve were still in Grade One. Of course, he was Eve's barcada. "Day, ikaw ba, tiguwang na jud ka kaayo karun, Day, no, kay Inday na man ka daan atong naa mi sa Grade One ni Eve?" he asked. Of course, I told him, Hoy, don't ever assume that just because I was in Grade Three when you were still in Grade One, I was much, much older than you?! We were only a year apart but I was already ahead in Grade Three because I entered school as visitor at age 5 but was good enough to pass Grade One. (I should have told the guy: I bet, you were still struggling to read your first alphabets at a very late age, while I only breezed through it at 5! But I was not quick enough to say that!)
Recalling it now, I realized, I was not quick enough to shoot back my killer one-liner (the way I used to) because I kept telling myself I was in my father's funeral and I had to be very careful not to make a scene with tactless and unwelcome visitors!  There was another guy, who was already drunk, who started making some statements about the eldest daughter, because he mistook me as the youngest.  The youngest said,  ah, she's always mistaken as the youngest, which had alerted the guy. I was curious what that drunkard was about to say about me before he was stopped by his companions.  Was he going to blurt out something about my political beliefs? Or why I hadn't married?! 
Then, the wake was really a wake, because it forced you to stay awake, even if your body was already crumbling for lack of sleep.  I had to get along with some people, including the driver who told me pointblank in between gulped of Fundador, I should be ashamed of myself because at my age, I still don't have a house and a car, I should strive to have one! As if that is all that matters in the world. I told the foolish fellow those are not the things that I treasure most. What I treasure most are things that people like him could not see. But the guy is so stupid to understand what I was saying. Except for some kindred souls, the two women friends, who offered me some beautiful verses to light up the dark moments of grief (and surprisingly, they belong to another religious sect but they only came to pay their respect), most of the people at the funeral really upset me.  I was wondering why can't we just make the funeral a private affair?  Why not shut the door and only allow those closed to us to enter?

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